Something unexpected and interesting has happened to me over the last few months. I’ve been a nomad without a fixed base for over two years now, and I love it. I love the freedom and flexibility, I love that I get to stay at all these different places, that I get to see the country and how easy it is to move on if I don’t like it somewhere.

But somehow, over the last few months, I’ve been craving a permanent base – my own space. It kind of surprised me at first. Even just six months ago, I had no ambition to buy a house or settle down. I loved my gipsy life (still do) and had no intention to give it up anytime soon. 

Obviously, there are lots of challenges that come with living in a relatively small van. The lack of space, the need to be careful with the use of things like power, water and internet, not having a permanent bed or a full sized shower, the dump-station routine to get rid of your toilet waste and greywater, and a bunch of other little things. But none of that bothers me enough to want to give up this lifestyle. 

So why the sudden desire to settle down? 

While it surprised me at first, it isn’t that surprising when I think about it. I’m a creature of habit, I like routine and certainty, I like my own space and familiar environments. Travelling the way I do right now is amazing, and I’m so grateful that I have the opportunity to do it. I also think I will always want to spend some time travelling. But when I think about who I really am, it’s probably no surprise that, in the long-run, I will want more stability – and more control over my environment. 

Because here is the thing. There is one challenge with my nomad life that I find increasingly hard to accept. One problem that does bother me a lot and that is the fact that I never control my environment. No matter where I go, I’m always in a shared, and often public, space. And I never know what I’ll get. The spot I had planned to stay at for the night might be full by the time I get there – something I never know until I get there. I might arrive at a parking spot for the night, feeling tired and wanting peace and quiet, but if the people parked next to me want to have a bit of a social gathering and play some music, then it doesn’t matter what I want, I’ll get chatter and music. 

As someone who needs her space and privacy, I also struggle when people park super close to me – but, of course, when it’s busy that just can’t be avoided. Many of the freedom camping spots in New Zealand are basically car parks where vans and motorhomes are parked right next to each other. This is a bit better at NZMCA parks where the rule askes for at least 3m between vans, and at DOC sites where there is generally a bit more space, which is why I pay for annual memberships for both. However, even then, especially at the DOC sites, I had it more than once now that someone felt the need to squeeze in because they want to arrive late but still have the best views. 

Yes, I do realise I sound like a grumpy old lady…

but I can’t change the fact that these things bother me. I struggle to relax when I’m in busy and noisy environments, and it definitely isn’t an environment in which I feel inspired to write – and given I am a writer, that’s a problem. 

So that’s where the sudden craving for my own base comes from. I would love to have a space that’s just mine, where I always know there is space for me, where it will be quiet and peaceful when I want it to and where no one is invading my personal space. 

It’s been really interesting how, over the last few months, what started as frustration and a craving for control and privacy, has turned into a new vision of my future and a new goal. 

My goal now is to eventually buy some land, most likely in the Far North of New Zealand, and use it as a base.

Initially, I might just use it to park up in the van,  but over time I will probably want to build a small house that will become my permanent home. I think I will always have my van (or some kind of mobile home) and will continue to make long trips around the country, but I more and more like the idea of having a base to return to any time I want stability, familiarity and control over my environment. 

I dream of owning a decent chunk of land somewhere remote (without being too remote), not a section in a settlement. For it to be worth the investment to me, it needs to offer one key thing: privacy. And I don’t think you can get that with immediate neighbours on either side. Obviously, a big section comes with a bigger price tag, not to mention the cost of potentially having to setup infrastructure (water tanks, power, driveways, etc.) and building a home, even if it’s a small one. However, I’m talking to a nomad friend about potentially doing it together, which would be nice for the company but, of course, also for financial reasons. 

But with or without a second person to share the load, it would be by far the most significant financial commitment I’ve ever made – and I do feel unsure about that. 

Given my current savings, a bank would probably give me a big enough mortgage to buy my dream property and put a home on it. But, that’s exactly the kind of life I don’t want. I don’t want to be tied down by a big mortgage. I don’t want the pressure of significantly weekly repayments. I don’t want to have to worry about losing a client unexpectedly or not finding enough work. What I love so much about my life right now is that I have the freedom to live in whichever way I want to. I don’t have any financial obligations to a bank or anyone else that force me to take up work I don’t enjoy or sacrifice my passion projects (like writing another book) to spend more time on paid work. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about this. In the end, I realised that, right now, keeping my current free-spirited lifestyle is more important to me than making this dream become a reality.

Right now, I’m willing to accept noisy neighbours and campers parked too close for comfort to keep my freedom. 

That doesn’t mean that I’m giving up on the dream of owning land. I just want to find a way to make it work without needing a massive mortgage. I want to get to a point where I have saved enough of a deposit that the mortgage I would need will be manageable without having to give up my freedom and independence. 

The good news is, I’m probably not too far off (though further off than I was four weeks ago – thanks COVID19!). If I take on a bit more work, maybe even a lot more over winter, while keeping my cost low, I can probably get there within a year or two. So it’s not like the dream is out of reach. However, I also realise that there are a few things I want to do before taking on the pressure of a mortgage – mainly writing my second book. I know that once I have a mortgage, even if it is a relatively small one, I won’t feel as free and independent anymore as I do now. And since writing takes time and a clear mind, I’ve decided to allow myself the luxury of writing the book first, before getting serious about growing my deposit and then taking on a mortgage. 

So buying land probably won’t happen this year, and maybe not next year either. But it’s nice to have a goal and a vision for the future to work towards. It’s motivating and kind of exciting to picture this next phase in my life – regardless of whether it will happen next year, in two years or five years.  

Until then, I will continue to enjoy vanlife and my freedom!