Covid19 seems to have divided the world into two camps in many ways: those who think the rules should be even stricter vs those who believe we’re giving governments too much control. Those who feel like we’re not taking this thing serious enough vs those who think we’re overreacting. Those who believe we need to come out of lockdowns as soon as possible vs those who would prefer we play it safe and stay in lockdown a while longer…

If you have spent any time on social media in the past few weeks, you’re probably aware of another divide; Those who think we should use this time productively to learn new skills and get stuff done vs those who believe this is a time to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves and our families a break. 

My Facebook feed has been overrun with posts and ads promoting courses, at-home workouts, and boosting about achievements and ticked-off to-do lists all telling us that now is the time to do all those things we usually don’t have time for. 

However, there have been just as many posts telling me that now is the time to relax, let ourselves off the hock and appreciate that these are challenging times. They say that it’s absolutely OK to NOT be productive during this time and if you want to spend your day in your PJs watching Netflix then go for it. 

For the first two weeks of our lockdown here in New Zealand, I was very much in the first camp. I had a few unproductive days when the lockdown was first announced as I felt a bit overwhelmed with everything that was going on, had to figure out what to do and where to go and then settle in at my new semi-permanent spot. 

But on the third day of lockdown, I wrote down some lockdown rules and goals. 

I made a list of things I wanted to get done during this time and set some daily goals to keep myself on track, like walking at least 10,000 steps a day, eating well, no Netflix before 6 pm and doing a daily gratitude ritual to stay positive.

And then I went to work. 

For almost two weeks, I was super productive every day and got a bunch of stuff done that I’ve wanted to do for a while. And I was feeling great! I did miss being able to do all my water sports, but other than that, I was happy and in many ways enjoying lockdown. 

But after almost two weeks of writing, re-designing websites, recording, editing and launching my new podcast, getting work done for clients and preparing my business accounts for end-of-year reporting,

I kind of hit a wall. 

I was enjoying what I was doing (except for the accounting stuff), but it was just so much time spent in front of the computer. Fatigue set in, and I struggled to motivate myself.

Around the same time, I was talking to a good friend of mine who commented on how seeing all those ‘productivity’ posts on social media made her feel guilty about not doing more with her lockdown time. 

Her comments, at a time where I was already struggling with motivation, made me think about why I had been so desperate to keep busy. 

Did I really want to be busy, or was it more a matter of feeling guilty if I didn’t do anything productive all day? 

Was I keeping busy because it makes me happy, or because it distracted me from other emotions and the stress of the whole situation? 

I’ve definitely found it harder to be still the last few weeks. Usually, I love sitting in my van for an hour or so, doing nothing but having coffee and letting my mind wander. But right now, I can’t do it. I don’t last more than a few minutes before I pick up the phone and scroll through news sites or social media just to be doing something. 

I also struggle to read, which is a very unexpected and new issue for me. I love to read! I would have thought that reading would be a huge part of my lockdown life, but I struggle to focus and don’t enjoy it right now. It’s like my mind needs something more demanding to keep it focused. 

There is all this uncertainty right now, and I’ve never been good with not feeling in control. Even though on the surface, I’m much less affected by this pandemic than many others, it does stand in direct conflict to my highest personal values: Freedom and independence.  And that’s been wearing on me quite a bit. 

So were all the rules and goals just about distracting me from emotions I didn’t want to deal with right now? 

I decided to relax the rule a bit and see what happens. 

For a few days, I spent much less time working on projects and more time watching Netflix and drinking coffee in stillness. I still did my 10,000 steps a day and was eating well, but I didn’t tick off any other lockdown goals. I lowered my expectations in myself and allowed myself to relax. 

I hated it!

It was nice for a day, but on day two, I started to feel gloomy, and by day three, I was restless, easily agitated and not feeling like my best self. 

So I made a U-turn, set some new lockdown goals and got back to work. And right away, I was feeling much calmer, happier and more like myself again. Yes, maybe I am distracting myself from other things, but if I feel better doing it, what’s the harm. 

Does that mean that I think ‘keep busy’ beats ‘give yourself a break’ every time?

No! While that’s the case for me, I don’t think it applies to everyone. I believe, as so often in life, it comes down to knowing yourself and being true to who you are – and not letting social media or anyone else pressure you into feeling guilty about being who you are and doing what’s best for you. 

For some people, what will make them happiest a times like these is binging on Netflix in their PJs. For others, it will be hours spent on social media or video calling with their friends and family. Some will turn into exercise addicts, and others will clean the house as they’ve never done before. For some people, work (paid and voluntary) will be a chore, and for others, it will be the path to well-being and happiness. 

The trick is to figure out what works for you and then permitting yourself to just be you.

That is, as long as no one else is negatively impacted by your actions. If people depend on you doing your work, you will have to, whether you want to or not.

I’ve always believed that self-awareness and the confidence to be true to ourselves are the key ingredients to happiness. I think that applies in difficult times like these more than ever. 

So however you’re spending your days right now, if you feel good about it (or at least not crappy about it), then don’t listen to anyone else telling you, you should spend this time differently – especially not promoted posts on Facebook from people trying to sell you something. 

On the other hand, if you’re struggling with negative emotions, try changing something and see if it makes a difference. 

And if you’re not sure what matters to you and what would make you happy, I can recommend a book for that ;)