I’m not usually one to use swearwords in my blog posts, but in this case, it seems fitting.  Let me explain.  

The other day, I was sitting in my van at the end of yet another week during which I felt too busy, spent too much time in front of the computer, did not get outside enough and overall, didn’t feel like my best self.  

Somehow, this has become my normal lately. What started as a four-week work project is now in week nine, which means I’ve been working full-time hours (and more) for over two months now. I choose to do so! I could have walked away from the new project after the four-week contract was up. I could have said no when another client asked for more of my time. I could pick up the phone tomorrow and tell one, or several, of my clients that I won’t be available for work for the foreseeable future.

  Why don’t I? That was the question I asked myself as I was sitting in my van, feeling exhausted and drained. Isn’t this exactly what I walked away from over 2 ½ years ago?

Why am I doing this to myself?

I know that part of the answer is the fact that I actually enjoy the work I do. It’s interesting and the right kind of challenging, I’m learning a lot, and I get to work with great people. I also know that part of it is the fact that I’m good at my work and the positive feedback I get from people I work with is a nice ego boost. But I could get all of that working 15-20 hours a week as I did for the past 2 ½ years.  

So why am I doing it for 40+ hours a week right now, when I’m clearly happier when working less?

And then the answer popped into my head. Because of the f**cking allure of money!!  That’s why. And hence the title of this blog post.  

There is something about money that I’m drawn to. And that annoys me!  

For the last 2 ½ years, I’ve been living off very little money – and I’ve been very happy. I don’t believe that money can buy happiness. I’ve seen too many unhappy rich people and happy poor people. I know I don’t need a lot to live a happy life. 

And yet, I find myself feeling excited by earning more money and find it hard to say no when the opportunity to earn more presents itself.  Why? Because for me, money represents security and freedom! And those two things are part of my idea of happiness.

I love my lifestyle, but one of the reasons I love it so much is that it’s a choice! If I wanted to move back into a house tomorrow, I could. I think I would enjoy this lifestyle less if I didn’t have that option. I certainly would feel less free and independent if I wouldn’t know that, should something unexpected happen, I have enough money in the bank to be OK.

Knowing that I can cover unexpected van repairs, weeks without income, stays at campgrounds or even the occasional hotel if I feel like it, and other expenses is important for me to feel free. I know other people who happily live paycheck to paycheck. While I envy that sometimes, it’s just not me.  

So I have set a personal goal for myself. 

I want to make sure that living in a van will always be a choice and never something I have to do because I can’t afford anything else.

The f**cking allure of money annoys me. I wish I could be immune to it. I admire people who truly are. I also don’t believe for a second that being financially secure will automatically make me happy.  

As anyone who has read my book, One Size Does Not Fit All, knows, I believe that happiness has very little to do with external circumstances and is mostly about internal factors like our attitude and approach to life. I believe that if, for whatever reason, I find myself broke at 65, I can still be very happy simply by focusing on making the most of whatever life gives me.  

But I also believe that money does make life easier. I believe that earning a bit more now, putting some money aside and making some investments, will give me more choice and more freedom in the future – and you all know how much I love freedom!  

The challenge for me lies in finding the right balance.

I need to find a way to be happy and healthy in the now while also doing the right thing for the long run. 

So that’s what I’m working on right now. I’m calling it Project Work-Life Balance 2.0. Stay tuned for updates…