Never Enough Time

I'm having the most amazing summer! I feel so incredibly fortunate and grateful that I get to travel and explore New Zealand every day. Every day, I get to see new places, discover new beautiful parts of our country and spend time in my happy place – nature. 

At a time when most of the world is dealing with lockdowns and COVID restrictions, I get to roam free. 

I'm so happy and content with life right now. 

But every now and then, I get overcome by a feeling I find hard to describe. It's an odd combination of sadness, impatience and hunger. It's grief for something I can't have. 

It's a kind of depression caused by the realisation that there is never enough time! 

Compared to most people, I have the luxury of time. I've been on the South Island for almost four months now, and I have covered less ground than many others do in four weeks. I have the luxury of making my own schedule – and changing it if I want to. I can just stay an extra day if I really like it somewhere or move on if I don't. The only thing that limits my freedom at times is that I need to be online for work Tuesdays to Thursdays. 

This summer, I wanted to slow down. I wanted to travel slower and spend more time in an area. I wanted to explore more off the beaten track. And that's exactly what I've done. 

And yet, somehow, it's still not enough time. 

There are so many turnoffs I drive past, wondering what I would find if I would take the time to follow the roads. 

Every day, I see signs pointing out sights and places I've never been to. Every time, I want to go check it out. But I don't because there are so many other places ahead of me I want to get to. 

So often, I would like to spend more time in one place, but I move on because there are also so many more places I want to go and see. 

Every time I leave an area, I think to myself, "I want to come back someday", so chance are, I will spend the rest of my life circling New Zealand because every area is always worth another visit. 

I have more time to do as I choose than most other people my age, yet it's never enough. 

Summer is coming to an end, and I've only just made it down the east coast of the South Island. There is so much more to see. But it will start getting cold soon, and I'm not sure my van (nor I) are set up for a winter on the South Island. 

And of course, I can just come back next year. But soon, we will have to share the country with tourists again. Everything will be crowded and busy again. And while I know many jobs and livelihoods depend on that happening sooner rather than later, I will miss the days when New Zealand was quiet. Travelling around won't be the same once the crowds are back – not for an introvert like me. 

I am very aware that this summer is different. It's an opportunity to enjoy New Zealand without the crowds. But there just isn't enough time. 

And so I happily travel around the country, living life to the fullest every day and taking in everything New Zealand and life has to offer. But every now and then, I get overcome by sadness because there just isn't enough time. 

And it's not just time for travel that feels limited and moving by too fast. 

There are so many other things in life I want to do and be. And I know some of them I will make happen, but some will always just be ideas, plans or dreams – because there just isn't enough time. 

Will there ever be? 

That's the question I've been thinking about lately. What if the crowds weren't coming back? What if I had years to enjoy quiet New Zealand as it is right now? Would I feel like I had enough time? What if I would know I'd be fit and healthy till I'm 100? Would I feel like I have enough time to be everything I want to be? 

Maybe. But I've got a feeling that I would just find more things I want to do, more places I want to see, more I want to be. 

Maybe not enough time is just a part of life, no matter how much we do, see or achieve. 

Maybe that's what makes life so precious – and cruel at the same time. Every day is an opportunity to do and be a little more, but no matter how long we live, we will never run out of things to do, see and be ­­– because there will always be more and never enough time.

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