Sacrifice

I’ve been thinking a lot about sacrifice lately. Don’t worry, I’m not talking about the type that involves lambs or virgins.

No, I mean the sacrifices we're willing to make to get the things and life we want.

Years ago, I had a coffee mug that said, “I want it all, and I want it covered in chocolate!” I loved that mug because it was huge and could fit a lot of coffee, but also because, at that time in my life, the statement resonated. The “covered in chocolate” part was mostly funny, but the “I want it all” part very much reflected my mindset at the time. I was career-focused, living in Auckland – and bought into all the messages around needing to aim high and needing to be successful in all aspects of life. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one.

I think we live in a society where wanting it all is cool. It’s expected.

We’re not only told that we CAN have it all, we’re expected to WANT it all. We’re expected to want a successful career while also wanting to be amazing parents and wanting to have interesting hobbies. We’re expected to want to build wealth while also having work-life balance and enough time to be active and look after our mental health. We’re expected to want lots of friends and a busy social life while wanting to get ahead in our careers, cook healthy meals and sleep eight hours every night.

We can have it all. And so we should want to have it all.

For a long time, I bought into that. I wanted to have it all.

Even now, almost six years after I left the career-focused life in Auckland, I often find myself wanting it all.

I want a life of adventure and freedom, and I also want stability. I want to have lots of free time, and I also want to earn lots of money. I want to travel, and I also want to have a fixed home. I want to explore new places, and I also want familiarity and routine.

Looking back, I think this idea of wanting it all – of feeling like I should want it all and can have it all – may be why the past year has been challenging for me. Because, as much as it pains me to say so, I don’t think we can truly have it all.

Accepting that has let me to thinking about sacrifice. Of the things I want, but that I am willing to sacrifice so I can get other things.

It’s a new way of thinking for me. In the past, I’ve always focused on what I want and what I want to avoid. I never thought much about which of the things I want are most important to me – and which I might be willing to sacrifice.

That’s changed recently, and it’s been liberating.

When I sold the van last year, I thought I was doing so because I wanted more stability. I thought I wanted to settle and put down roots somewhere. It’s a year later now, and I still haven’t done that. I’m still a nomad, just without a van.

Why? Because, as it turns out, settling down would require sacrifices – significant ones.

Staying put somewhere, renting or buying a home, would mean less adventure. Life would be much less exciting. I wouldn’t have new places to explore all the time. It would also mean less freedom. Having to pay rent or a mortgage would massively change my financial situation. I would be under so much more pressure to always have enough work that I would, without a doubt, feel much less free. For the last two months, I’ve been working roughly 25 hours per week, giving me lots of time to explore Nelson, finish my book and look after my mental well-being. It’s been awesome! I’m feeling so balanced and happy. If I had rent or a mortgage to pay, I wouldn’t be able to only work 25 hours a week. I’d have to work more which would mean less time for other things.

Are those sacrifices I’m willing to make?

Ultimately, that was the important question. It wasn’t about whether I wanted to have a permanent home or not. It was about whether I was willing to make the required sacrifices.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, but ultimately, the answer was easy.

No! Those are not sacrifices I’m willing to make right now.

If I would miraculously win a million dollars tomorrow, I’m pretty sure one of the first things I would do is buy a home. Nothing fancy, just a nice, secure home and then I would keep travelling and exploring from there. But in the absence of that miracle million, settling down will have to wait.

As much as I would love to have a permanent base, when it comes down to it, that’s something I’m willing to sacrifice in exchange for continuing my life of freedom and adventure. For now.

So, for now, I will continue the nomadic life. I’m housesitting in Nelson until early September. After that, I’ve got a housesit lined up in Port Levy near Christchurch for a month. And after that? No plans yet. I keep toying with the idea of buying a little caravan, so maybe I’ve got a home on wheels again soon. Or perhaps I just keep housesitting.

Either way, for now, I want to enjoy adventure and freedom. Those are the two things I’m NOT willing to sacrifice.

This change of perspective, from thinking about what I want, to thinking about what I’m willing to sacrifice, has been really eye-opening. I believe, as a society, we’re often so focused on the things we want, that we tend to ignore the fact that almost everything comes with a price to pay. My recent experience has shown me that carefully considering those sacrifices can make it much easier to prioritise all the things we want and to choose the path that’s right for us.

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