A much needed reset

For the last few months, I've been feeling uninspired, a bit lost and stressed. Now, it's an entirely different story. Life is great again! 

What changed? Everything! 

I've known for a long time that Auckland is not the place for me. It's too busy and crowded and just not an inspiring place for me. I keep coming back because most of my friends and clients are there. But I feel relieved every time I leave. And this time was no different. The moment I got in the car in Auckland in mid-May to head south, I instantly felt more relaxed. The further south I got, the more I felt like I could breathe again.

I had an amazing weekend with friends near Tauranga and then continued south from there. Each day, I felt better. I spent a night near Tūrangi and one in Wellington before getting on the Ferry. Then I had three nights in Picton and three nights in Ruby Bay. I had taken time off work so I could enjoy the road trip. I loved being on the road again and had the best time exploring. So much so that I seriously started to wonder why I had given up vanlife. It felt like I was back in my element! Why did I ever want to stop living this way?  

That week of freedom was exactly the re-set I needed.

It reminded me of what's important to me and how I want to live my life.  

It was shocking to realise how easy it was to find my inner balance and happiness again. All I had to do was leave Auckland, spend time exploring in nature, and not work (as much). 

As I reflected on the last nine months since I sold the van, I realised that I had fallen back into old habits (the bad ones). Once again, I had forgotten what really matters to me, and had gotten caught up in the world of business, career succession and misguided ambition. 

I had done what society tells me I should be doing.

I worked hard to build wealth, made plans to settle down, and at some point, even considered taking a full-time job. 

And when I wasn't happy, I convinced myself that it was because I hadn't achieved those goals yet. I convinced myself that what I needed to be happy was a stable home, financial security and a more normal life. 

That week on the road travelling from Auckland to Nelson, I realised how wrong I had been.

I didn't need normal to be happy. I needed freedom, time and adventure. 

As that week was coming to an end, I started to think about how I could make the feeling of freedom and content that I had rediscovered that week last. After all, it's easy to live your best life for a week while on holiday. 

I'm a goal-oriented person. I almost always have some goals that I'm working towards, and I'm tracking progress on a regular basis. I tend to get a bit obsessed with it. Once I've set a goal and am tracking towards it, I'm committed. I'll make the goal(s) my top priority. I'll do everything I can to make it happen. When the goals are the right ones, that's powerful. But when I'm tracking the wrong goals, it can quickly be detrimental. 

I realised that the only real goal I had been tracking for the past nine months was how much I was earning and saving. Every day, I tracked how many hours I worked. Every month, I tracked how much I had earned and spent in my spreadsheet. I set monthly savings goals and tracked if I achieved them. And when I did, I felt good about myself. Proud!

No wonder I got caught up in that world again. I ended up working 40+ hours per week and then felt good about it because it meant I would be saving more – without realising what I was sacrificing. I prioritised work over everything else because it would help me achieve my goal. 

But the goal was wrong! 

So as my road trip was coming to an end, and I prepared to settle in Nelson for 3 1/2 months, I thought about what goals I should set for myself to make sure I track and prioritise the right things. 

Spending time in nature is key to feeling my best, so that became my first goal. I really want to finish and publish my next book, so that's goal number 2. During that week, I had rediscovered how much joy it brings me to adventure and explore new places. Nelson and the surrounding area offer plenty of opportunity for that, so I set a goal to explore something/somewhere new every week. 

I also wanted to do something to help me be more mindful and present. I was a little annoyed that I had fallen back into old habits while in Auckland, even though I should technically know better by now. It wasn't a lack of knowledge that had been the issue. It was a lack of paying attention and being mindful. I've tried daily meditation in the past, but I didn't feel like I got much out of it. As it so happened, that day, I came across an article about the benefits of yoga in terms of being more present and mindful. And since I could really benefit from improving my flexibility, too, I decided to give it a go. So I set a goal to do yoga every day, even if it's just 10 minutes on some days. 

I started to feel pretty good about my goals, but I realised one big issue. All of them would require time. So, I set another goal. For the next 3 1/2 months, while I'm here in Nelson, I aim not to work more than 25 hours a week. It means saving less, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make if it means I get happiness in return. 

So, here are my goals for this winter:

1. Do yoga every day

2. Start each day with reading and journaling 

3. Finish and publish by book

4. Spend time in nature most days

5. Work less than 25 hours a week

6. Explore something new each week

I made a big poster to track my goals and put it up on the wall so it's always front of mind. 

It's been three weeks since I started tracking these goals, and it's made such a huge difference. I feel great! I feel balanced and in tune with my body and mind. I feel much calmer and less stressed. 

Most importantly, I feel like my best self again. 

It's pretty amazing how much of a difference relatively small habit changes can make. And it's kind of scary how easy it is to get off track when focused on the wrong goals. I feel like this is a lesson I've had to learn a few times now. I really hope it sticks this time. But if you hear me talk/write about feeling lost and off balance again in the future, please send me a link to this blog post! ;)

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